Pandora Diary: Distress of A Survivor

This painting is for the girls who are survivors of the daily abuses.

I found her in my sketchbook few days ago, ”crying”. She was crying with flowers in her head, while her hair was messy and flying in the air. She was neither happy nor sad. Neither was a heart-breaker nor heart-broken. That is what paradox means, to be felt by itself or a state where you feel confused.. A lot of us feels that way, when can never give an exact answer of how you feel or how we intend to feel at the same time. 

She reminds me of my crying self at long winter nights when everything is calm and quite, only the darkness can see your tears rolling down your cheeks on the pillows. When millions of hands are touched your soul while walking on a lonely streets, when creepy eyes stare at your figure and comments are passed down by each one them. Even when people say alot to you for being a ‘girl’, for living a life where you cant wear what you want, because you are the ”weak gender” When no one helps when your screaming, when blood rushes down your thighs, even when they capture you and put you in a cage and torture you with thier mighty power and words and all you do is cry and they do is laugh like its a joke to play with someones life and dignity.

Pandora Diary: From Red to Rainy days

 A ship was struck by lighting and a storm.  April 14 2015, 4:30pm at a coffee cafe, he was wearing green and i was red, we sat in an corner table. He was pretty angry for making him wait this long. But his mood changed quickly and he complimented me for looking beautiful. Since it was raining we was all drenched wet yet we talked. It didn’t matter if he made me pay for what we ate, he kissed in my cheeks and told me he loved me, that is a moment to kill someone in deep affectionate thoughts like i felt, i was thinking maybe this is my new chance to begin something.

The sky was crying for the ship and water was so focused on destroying it. May 14th my exams started. I couldn’t meet him, that was probably another chance went away. June came along my exams ended and he became busy. We never talked, he didnt mostly. Technology becoming so advanced yet it fails to make to people talk, especially when someone is dying to. 30th June, his birthday. Ofcourse he didn’t invite me to his party with his friend. Moreover his friends don’t even know me. They know nothing about me, he never mentioned about me. I wished him anyways. July 4th my birthday, neither he called nor a text nothing from him. I guess he forgot. The ship was slowly sinking in the dark blue sea. .I will go to the same university as he is in. I will still go there for myself.

The world shall pray for those lost souls. And now it’s rainy season. The sky is always crying, for me and all those sad and damaged souls who can’t cry out loud. And he is with someone else, thats what the picture of him holding someone else’s hand said, I am with someone but i secretly still hope this is a new story, it has to be. The ship cannot be untraceable.

Pandora Diary: Perspective of Love.

Love is a state of being. Love doesn’t mean that it should be on a particular person, it can be on anything, passion, something rarely magical to ones eyes yet too complicated to understand by others. That is love. love is sometimes complicated but its sweet as honey.

Love is when he laid his eyes on hers and the time stopped for a while. Love is when someone accepts you for who you are and doesnot complain about it. Its all accepting everything about that person.
Love is when you can’t live without them. You can live without them…people who says that are living, but its sometimes when you say you can’t you mean a life without them is dull, shallow.
Love is when they leave you for someone. If they leave you in the first place they weren’t meant for you. Believe in god, he does things for a reason.

Love is not when you play with someone’s feelings. If love was easy people around the world wont have cried themselves to sleep nor changed or ruined their lives. If love was meant for ruining peoples lives then love wouldn’t be a part of life.

Pandora Diary: Questions

I have a chance tomorrow to get into something my parents are asking for. But i have different plans and i think way different then anyone around me. I want to study something totally different from everyone else and i want to do good in that, i like it but i think they don’t want it so we have fights each and every night. I really want to do something for myself and i don’t i am going to miss my chance by letting someone else dream for me or plan what i am going to do in my future. All i want is to follow my dreams and my passion but the question arises with ”what if and buts”.

Pandora Diary: Meet and Greet

The holy month of Ramadan ends and EID begins. There is no chance of being sad on that very day of ours.  Fire works on the dark night sky the day before EID. People coming out from their morning prayers and hugging people they know and greeting them on the first day of EID. The mosques filled with people and mostly wearing white. At home, bunch of people comes and goes, while tables filled wiith rich food and girls wearing beautiful attires. Then arrives the moment of having salami (EIDI or money provided by elders to young children as blessings). That is fun, when children would rush to the elders. On the other hand, the less fortunate, gets clothes and food as well. There are volunteers who would provide gifts for them or donations from mosques or families giving to them. Its nice to see someone being happy by someone who has more and have the willingness to share. Having the willingness to share happiness with someone who have less is a blessing.  

Pandora Diary: Out of reach

Around the months of November or December of 2013 he knocked her in a dating site. Unsure of what’s going to happen she didn’t disclose anything and he on the other hand took the risk and asked her out. She denied, it was obvious. He was trying to keep connection with her. They had few things in common, she started sharing and later discover she lived near his home..so slowly he got lost in her eyes…..he fell in love with her.

June 2014, the love he had for her all drained out, the situation changed, he left her alone, he wasn’t trying to keep any constant connection with her, but she was dying. She fell in love with him. He moved on. That’s the sad story.

January 2015, first day of this year, she swore to herself she would end the last day of this year with him. She swore she is going to change her life and shes gonna continue loving him. Even after his out of reach.

Maybe the stars have to do something with my decisions because we still talk even thiers no emotions.

Pandora Diary: I own the night

Do you have any idea how it feels to walk in an empty room, take a sit and stare at the wall? Blank wall? Close your eyes and imagining an event where the entire room with your work, finely framed and with people gawking at your paintings or probably looking at their own self from the glasses. Then opening your eyes and all the dreams and imaginations disappear leaving a little hint in our mind that the blank wall is waiting….waiting to filled with colors and dreams mostly from people who dreams big.

Pandora Diary: One sided love

He fell in love, blindly for two years with a girl  who was just probably passing her time with him. With all the gifts and money he used to do for her, spending two years of his life with someone who doesnt even know the meaning of love except betrayal and cheat. That moment, that time, that second, when she left him, when she stopped talking to him, finally breaking up from a relationship that  was one-sided… the earth crashed in to millions of parts, the sky turned dark and the heart tour apart forever creating a hatred and sorrow for love and god. Asking millions of questions to god and the world. feeling alone and sad, thus creating a great hatred for love and creating him into a monster who is not even in his nature. She left him  for no reason, shes happy leading him to a world where people hates him, where words became curse and faces became unknown.